Sunday, September 03, 2006
Pay Dirt: Religious Funnies
This is my inaugural "Pay Dirt" entry. In The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, the phrase "pay dirt" refers to "a useful or profitable discovery or venture". So I will use these "Pay Dirt" entries to capture interesting nuggets I come across.
Today's "Pay Dirt" entry contains a few religious funnies...
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
-Emo Philips, stand-up comedian
"I don’t believe in atheists."
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
Bart: "What religion are you?"
Homer: "You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uhh, Christianity."
-The Simpsons, "Homerpalooza"
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."
- George Burns.
"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
- Jim Carrey
"I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album."
- Rita Rudner
"Where would man be today if it wasn't for women? In the Garden of Eden eating water melon and taking it easy."
- C Kennedy